Anytime we’re introducing our children to a new experience, it is helpful to start small, involve them in the process, and teach them some strategies. Here are some suggestions, along with some language to use.
Start small. If you have a child who is not accustomed to being on their own and making friends, you could start with a local half-day or full-day camp. This may still feel daunting, but is easier than going to a sleepaway camp right off the bat.
Involve them in the process. Once you know that camp is part of the plan, let your child know ahead of time, and where possible, give choice.
“You’ll need to go to camp this summer and I’ve found three possibilities. Let's learn a bit about each one and see which one feels like the best fit.”
The first response from your child may be, “I don’t want to go to camp! No, I’m not going!”
Many parents are familiar with this kind of push back. Rather than fighting it, acknowledge the feelings.
“Yeah, I get it, you aren’t feeling comfortable about going to camp. It’s okay to have that first response – new things can feel scary. Let that feeling out, and we’ll talk about this more tomorrow after lunch, to see if we can figure out the best camp for you.”
Then, come back to it the next day and start talking about which camp feels best. As a reminder, you are not responsible for making your child completely happy with your choice of summer camp. You are responsible for teaching them that they can handle yucky feelings and find the strength to do something new. Often, kids need time to adjust to new ideas.
Teach strategies. We need to prepare our child with strategies for this new experience. Find out more about the schedule of the camp, the activities that will be done, and where the camp will take place. Share this information with them.
It’s important that our words and actions, or our body language, convey two important things:
Our belief that our kid is capable of doing this new thing.
Our belief in the camp to keep them safe.
“Even though this is a new situation, I believe that you can handle camp. I trust the people running this camp and we’ll work together to make sure that you know how to handle the tricky stuff, so let’s talk about a few things you need to know:”
The following things can be discussed on different occasions. Don’t overload the child by going through them all at once.
Who can you go to if you have a problem or if you need to find the bathroom?
“When we get there on Monday, we’ll meet your counselor or the person in charge. We’ll make sure you know their name, so that you know an older person who can help you if you need it.”
“If you needed to find the bathroom, what would you say?”
“If you needed some help, what could you say?”
Practice some of these things so that your child has the words ready to use. If they are reluctant to practice, you can role play that you are the child, and your child can be the counselor.
What can you say when you’re wanting to meet a new person?
It’s worth asking this of your child. They may have some ideas of what to say. If not, brainstorm ideas like:
“Hi, I’m Cam, this is my first time at camp.”
“Hi, I’m Cam, what’s your name?”
“Hi, are you having fun? I like this game.”
What do you know for sure?
“While you may not know much about what’s going to happen at camp, let’s think about what we know for sure:”
Help your child to generate a list. Here are some examples:
I’ll drop you off at 8:30am each morning this week.
I’ll pick you up between 3:20 and 3:30pm every afternoon.
We’ll pack your lunch together, so you will know what you’ll be eating.
The staff can reach me if there’s an emergency.
There will be other kids there your age.
You may want to help your child with some internal self-talk when they start to feel nervous:
“[Deep breath] I can do this. I can do this. I am a good friend, and I’m safe. I can do this.”
Ultimately, by planning with the child, we can help them to have some sense of control and predictability. Setting them up for success helps them to gain the confidence to try harder things.
One last thing: Plan your script for when you drop them off at camp. Keep it simple:
“You can do this; I believe in you. I’ll see you at 3:20.
I love you!”
Do not cry until you are around the corner.
Author, blogger, podcast host, and parenting expert, Julie Freedman Smith has been supporting parents across North America for 20 years. Through her company JFS Parent Education, she helps parents find relief from their everyday parenting challenges. Want to know how she can help you? Email her today: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
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