Considering when to seek counselling can be a big step for an individual; considering therapy for the whole family may seem like an impossible task. We know that individual mental health and behavioral challenges may be sustained by how a family relates to one another.
Interactions within the system tend to keep individuals repeating certain patterns, whether positive or negative. By bringing awareness to and shifting these interactions, family therapy can be a powerful tool for fostering a more harmonious and supportive family environment, enhancing relationships, and improving individual and collective well-being. Through therapy, families can:
When is the right time to consider family therapy?
So how do you know that it might be the right time to seek family therapy? Here are questions to ask yourself. If you can answer yes to one or more of these questions, then family therapy may be beneficial to you.
Does your family experience frequent conflict that goes unresolved? Arguments come up in all families, but if you are in daily conflict that seems to repeat in an endless loop, your family may need help to break out of this pattern.
Is it hard for family members to express their thoughts and feelings to each other? If individuals are not listening to each other or are dismissing each other’s perspectives, family therapy can help restore more respectful communication.
Are family members isolating themselves from each other? If you notice that family members are spending less and less time together, and do not seem to enjoy each other’s company when they are together, family therapy can rekindle your connection.
Is there a significant behavioral change in a family member? Often, problems are seen as individual responsibilities – however, individual problems can signal that there is a dysfunctional pattern in the family system to address. This can be healing for individual family members.
Are you dealing with a major life event, change, or transition? If the family is dealing with trauma, grief, or a major life change (like divorce, death, or financial hardship) or transition (childhood to adolescence, children leaving home) and struggling to cope, therapy can offer support and strategies for managing these challenges.
Are you constantly fighting with your child(ren)? A family therapist can help to improve understanding and communication between you and your child(ren) if there seems to be no way to change your current pattern of interacting.
Have you run out of ideas on how to move your family forward? A family therapist sees your family from a different perspective and can shed light and bring hope to solve recurring struggles.
Family therapy can offer a structured environment to explore these issues with the support of a neutral, trained professional. It’s a proactive step toward fostering better understanding, communication, and resolution within the family.
How do I convince my family to give family therapy a try?
You have noticed the signs that tell you it is time to consider family therapy. You think you want to give family therapy a try, so what next? Here are some strategies to help you convince other members of your family that it might be time to try family therapy.
Bring up the topic during a calm and neutral time. When people are relaxed, they will be more receptive than in the middle of conflict or a stressful interaction.
Express how you feel. Use “I” statements like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed by our family conflicts, and I think family therapy might help,” or, “I’m afraid our family is drifting apart, ” and, “I think we need to come together as a family to deal with [event, change, transition].”
Focus on benefits. Talk about the possible benefits for the family as a unit and as individuals. You can say things like, “It will help us learn to communicate better,” or, “It will help us learn ways to solve problems without so much conflict.”
Give your reasons why. Share examples of what you have noticed, without laying blame. “I’ve noticed we are fighting a lot more these days,” “I’ve noticed that you are avoiding time with the family,” or, “It has been hard for us all since the divorce.”
Normalize counselling. Just like there are times when you need support from a physician to address a physical illness and to promote physical health, seeing a therapist can help address mental health and facilitate healing in families.
Offer to research options together. Research the different types of family therapy to see which type you think might best fit your family. Give the chance for all family members to have a voice in the choice of therapist if they would like.
Give time and space. It will take some family members more time and more conversations to consider family therapy.
Lead by example. Family therapy can start with an individual. Making an individual change will impact the family system as other family members shift with the change. When there is an individual change, it can help other family members to see the benefits of therapy and increase the likelihood of participating.
Still on the fence about family therapy?
On a personal note, the one thing I regret is not agreeing to attend family therapy with my mom and dad when they were struggling in their marriage. They were seeing a counsellor for couples therapy to try to salvage their marriage. Their counsellor had suggested it might be helpful for us kids to join them in therapy. I was about 16 at the time and the oldest child. I remember thinking, “Why do I need to go to therapy for your problem?” I must have argued convincingly against joining them because they didn’t bring it up again.
My parents did eventually divorce, and there were a lot of miscommunications, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings between family members along the way, which took a lot of time to heal. Looking back, I wonder: if I had joined my parents for family therapy when they asked, would it have made any difference in their decision to divorce, in the way their divorce was handled, in how it impacted my relationship with my parents and siblings, and how it impacted me personally?
Your family is precious. Don’t pass up the chance to make your family life better when you need help.
Dr. Harriet Johnston is a registered psychologist in Calgary. She works at the Eckert Psychology & Education Centre where she provides child, adolescent, and adult assessment as well as solution focused therapy to individuals, couples, and families. She also runs a solo private practice, Cowtown Psychology.
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