There are some simple, practical solutions, but also some deeper, more lifelong lessons that we can teach our children about responsibility, respect, and the value of a dollar.
“What do you mean you don’t know where your new shoes are? You haven’t even had them for a week!”
I yelled at my daughter, as steam simmered out of my ears and my face burnt with rage.
Did I lose my temper at that moment? Yes. Did I feel badly about it? I’ll admit, only partially. I was furious that my daughter had no idea where her sneakers were that
I just ordered for her a few days earlier. She went to camp the previous day with her new shoes on, but now she had no idea where they were. It’s just so frustrating to have something you paid for vanish into thin air. On top of that, I discovered that they were missing two minutes before we needed to walk out the door to get to camp in the morning. Just a little bit stressful.
My behavior was definitely overblown (I know, it’s just stuff!) but I also knew that if my daughter did not learn that this is a big deal, how would she ever learn responsibility for her belongings and the value of a dollar? I joked that she would have to find a way to earn the money to pay for another pair of shoes. The bewildered look I got from her in return meant that it was time to explore the best ways to teach my kids about responsibility.
Expectations
Are my expectations too high? According to child psychologist Cheryl Gilbert MacLeod, young children are focused on so many things at once that it is common for them to lose their gear. We can expect neurotypical children up to age six to lose their belongings at times. When they enter elementary school, they can begin to take on more responsibility and understand consequences for their actions. Set some rules with them about which items you will replace, how many times you will replace them, and any other sacrifices they will have to make, such as doing chores to ‘earn’ things or giving up certain privileges like screen time because they lost a personal possession.
Some kids may be naturally organized but for the most part, it is up to us to teach our kids how to keep track of their things and realize the importance of responsibility.
Practical solutions
Let’s start with some practical solutions to help our children keep better track of their belongings:
Set reminders based on their schedule. Talk to your children about their daily schedule and point out important actions to take throughout the day, such as putting their lunchbox back into their backpack after their lunch period, putting their clothes in their backpack after a swim lesson, and keeping track of their water bottle throughout the day. Ask them to double check that they have all of their belongings before they leave the school, camp, recreation centre, etc. Forming these habits based on a consistent routine can be very effective and used in so many other situations in life down the road.
Label everything. Although it is a time investment up front, labeling your children’s belongings provides an insurance policy in case they forget or misplace something. Hopefully someone will find the lost item and take it to the lost and found so that you can retrieve it later. You can simply use a black marker or purchase name labels.
Make a checklist. Work with your children to write a list of their key belongings - lunchbox, sweatshirt, shoes, sunglasses, hat, homework folder - that they need to make sure they have before they leave the house in the morning and before they come home at the end of the day. Review this list over and over again with them until it is ingrained in their memory. Be sure to review the list together so that you are also checking that they have everything they need.
Prompt them with specific questions. Yes, parents are known to nag, but it is necessary at times. Be proactive by asking them questions based on the checklist you created: “Do you have your hat and sunglasses for the day? Don’t forget to put them in your backpack when you are not using them.” Eventually, they will hear your questions enough that they will come up with them on their own.
Lessons for a lifetime
The simple act of my daughter losing her new sneakers at camp prompted some important lessons that she will carry with her for a lifetime. Although I did not handle the moment as calmly as I should have, my daughter got the message that she was irresponsible and her actions had consequences. First, she felt uneasy; she prefers a happy Mommy. Second, she needed to understand that I was not going to immediately hop online and reorder those same shoes just because she loved them. That day she wore her old, beat up, slightly-too-small sneakers that she was so happy to leave behind when the new ones arrived. And when I asked her how she was going to earn the money to order new shoes, she realized that so much of what she has and loves costs money, and money is earned by hard work.
I am trying to raise responsible children who understand there are consequences for their actions. This means my children won’t always be completely happy. They won’t automatically get things just because they want them. It’s not just that I want my kids to be responsible for material things; responsibility impacts so many aspects of their lives. If they learn to take care of their own toys and clothes now, then they will respect other people and their stuff, too, as they get older. They will grasp the value of working hard to be able to pay for things, which will help them to manage their time and money more wisely. They will also begin to see the importance of helping people who do not have nearly as much as they do. Finally, they will feel empowered and develop self-esteem because they have control over their own behavior, which can help them achieve their goals and desires throughout life.
Now back to those shoes. I am happy to report that we found my daughter’s sneakers in a bin in the hallway at the camp. But now my son lost his sweatshirt…
Sandi is a freelance writer/blogger and mother of two. She has written extensively about parenting, wellness, and environmental issues.
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