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Written by Dr. Brent Macdonald, PhD, R.Psych.
You've likely heard the phrase, “It's like herding kittens!” It is entirely possible that this phrase first came to use in describing what it's like to parent children with ADHD.
However, it is unfortunate that children with ADHD often get mischaracterized as being difficult or having behavioral issues. While these attributes can certainly be true in some circumstances, children with ADHD are very much like any other children – they are learning and evolving at all times. The intensity at which they evolve, however, can cause adults a great deal of stress and frustration.
Learning how to understand and effectively develop strategies to parent children with ADHD is essential in order to enhance your relationships with your own children.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that is lifelong in nature. There are different subtypes of ADHD which include hyperactive-impulsive, inattentive, or combined, and it is worth noting that the presentations of each of these conditions is different in each individual child and adult who has ADHD.
One of the commonalities, however, is that first and foremost, people with ADHD are people. While this seems to be an obvious statement, it is important to recognize the humanity at the core of each individual with ADHD. They have feelings just like anyone else, they get excited just like anyone else, perhaps even more so, and they feel disappointment, anger, sadness, fear, rage, happiness, and joy, just like anyone else. However, to the individual with ADHD, the world can be an overwhelming place and they can become overstimulated and overwhelmed by the world around them. As parents, we can provide structure and strategies that can be helpful in preventing them from feeling like the world is simply too much for them to deal with at times.
Strategies for parenting children with ADHD
- Consistent routine. Most children thrive in situations in which there is a clear, logical, and consistent routine that doesn't vary too much from day-to-day. In fact, it could be argued that adults have the same desire for structure and routine, but the need for such structure is more intense in children with ADHD. Providing basics, such as ensuring that clothes are ready the night before school; their backpack is by the door and ready to go before the morning commotion begins; and having a set bedtime routine that includes hygiene, reading, and a consistent time for lights out with no screens, is another possibility. And remember – we are role models, so the ‘no screens before bed’ is good advice for us as adults as well – though admittedly, it’s really hard to do! The main thing to remember is that routine breeds structure, which breeds predictability, which is ultimately reassuring for people with ADHD and prevents them from acting out because they know what is happening and why.
- Exercise. There are some basics of good mental wellness, one of which is exercise. Children with ADHD have very active brains and bodies for the most part, and can get jittery if they're not moving around a lot. Providing opportunities for engagement in sports or other physical activities such as dance, playing music, and art are all forms of motor activity that can help a child with ADHD release some of their inherent energy. These activities also help provide social opportunities that assist with developing positive peer relationships.
- Sleep. Perhaps one of the most underestimated tools that parents have at their command is sleep. Children with ADHD work much more effectively when they have had good, uninterrupted sleep. Again, this refers back to routine in terms of having a structured bedtime routine, with limited use of screens at least a half-hour before bed. Physical exercise also prepares the child for a better night’s sleep.
- Find your allies. While you may feel that you are the only parent dealing with challenges associated with ADHD, let me assure you that you are far from alone. There are numerous parent groups, professionals, and other resources that you can access that will be very helpful in your journey as a parent of a child with ADHD. Ensure that you have a positive, engaging, and collaborative relationship with your child’s school and keep in touch with your family physician or pediatrician. Retain the services of a psychologist, not necessarily to work just with your child, but also with you in terms of developing individual strategies that will be helpful in your unique case. Also, remember that there is a genetic component to ADHD, so if your child has been diagnosed, well…maybe you should consider the possibility that you might have ADHD too!
- Get good resources. There are dozens and dozens of books, hundreds of websites, and thousands of YouTube and TikTok videos that address parenting children with ADHD. Some of these are more reputable than others. A couple of resources that are of high quality and are excellent starting points include:
- ldadhdnetwork.ca
- additudemag.com
- caddra.ca
- understood.org
Overall, it’s important to remember the very wise words of the Persian poet, Saadi: “Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.” True words in relation to parenting children with ADHD!
Dr. Brent Macdonald is a frequent guest on CBC, Global Television, Breakfast Television, and CTV. He is currently the lead psychologist with Onward Psychology Group (onwardpsychology.ca), which, in addition to providing counselling and assessment services, also provides consultation services to educators and parents.
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